I think I took a nap yesterday for no better reason then I was bored. What is up with that? I don't know what's gotten into me, but I have no energy, no ambition, no nothing. I've gained 20 pounds since coming home - horrible, horrible American food (but I still love you crazy bread). My wii Fit sits in the corner like a small abandoned puppy and I get chastised by a talking board when I work up the energy to use it. And then I think, I really need more robust exercises games - um, yeah, right, you can't work up the energy to play "snowball fight" you slacker!
My doctor tells me there is something wrong with my thyroid (appointment for clarification later this week) and I am hoping that will shed a little light on this lethargic cloud that has descended upon me.
Then again, maybe I just need a vacation. It has been 4 months since the last one (~_^).
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Where did Wonderland Go?
Well, well, time seems to fly - even in the real world. It's been 7 months - to the day - since my contract ended. I still think about Japan - my time there, friends, the job - at least once a day. Saturday, I found sushi erasers at the store and had to buy like 5 packs. It was nostalgia and, at the same time, things like that prove that the world is much smaller than we imagine.
I won't lie, coming home was hard. Maybe because I wasn't worried about where I would live or about getting a job. So I ended up just thinking a lot about what I'd left behind. I felt guilty because people would keep asking "Are you happy to be home?" and the true answer was "No, I wasn't." But you can't say that to people, because they automatically assume home = family. And I was happy to see my family, but I had never really missed them - they were only an Ethernet away. As for my extend family, they can say they missed me and wanted me to come home, but I've seen them only a handful of times in the last 7 months. And to be honest, those times tended to be a bit awkward. They are growing up, they aren't the people I left behind. People have there own lives to live, they weren't waiting for me to come home, and I was not expecting them to. They've changed and so have I - and not in good or bad ways - just change. So I was happy to see friends and family, but I was not happy that I had to leave Japan. I wasn't ready, I would still wake up and think, "I live in JAPAN", three years later. And I liked it. Yeah, it wasn't perfect, I wouldn't say that - but it was still what I wanted to be doing. I did not want to go back to the what I was doing before Japan. But.....
Somethings, however, have not changed. While I am EXTREMELY grateful to be employed in this economy, I am a bit disturbed by the fact that I am living at home and working at the EXACT same place I left before Japan. It's a different job, but still, after Japan, I feel like I've fallen back into a pattern I thought I'd escaped. It's almost like Japan was wonderland, I fell thru the hole, but now I am back again and this world is EXACTLY the same. It's just a bit crazy. But I am not the same, I am different, and I don't exactly fit anymore.
So, I have an escape plan - that is the good news. It's going to take a least another year to get all my ducks in a row, finish the schooling I need, but the end result should be a ticket to another adventure thru the looking glass.
Having experienced the life I want to live, it's just a bit hard to wait to get back there. I've always, always been impatient - and that has not changed. I suppose I just have to listen to all the great ones who preach patience. Whoo, that's hard though. Ikimasho!!!
I won't lie, coming home was hard. Maybe because I wasn't worried about where I would live or about getting a job. So I ended up just thinking a lot about what I'd left behind. I felt guilty because people would keep asking "Are you happy to be home?" and the true answer was "No, I wasn't." But you can't say that to people, because they automatically assume home = family. And I was happy to see my family, but I had never really missed them - they were only an Ethernet away. As for my extend family, they can say they missed me and wanted me to come home, but I've seen them only a handful of times in the last 7 months. And to be honest, those times tended to be a bit awkward. They are growing up, they aren't the people I left behind. People have there own lives to live, they weren't waiting for me to come home, and I was not expecting them to. They've changed and so have I - and not in good or bad ways - just change. So I was happy to see friends and family, but I was not happy that I had to leave Japan. I wasn't ready, I would still wake up and think, "I live in JAPAN", three years later. And I liked it. Yeah, it wasn't perfect, I wouldn't say that - but it was still what I wanted to be doing. I did not want to go back to the what I was doing before Japan. But.....
Somethings, however, have not changed. While I am EXTREMELY grateful to be employed in this economy, I am a bit disturbed by the fact that I am living at home and working at the EXACT same place I left before Japan. It's a different job, but still, after Japan, I feel like I've fallen back into a pattern I thought I'd escaped. It's almost like Japan was wonderland, I fell thru the hole, but now I am back again and this world is EXACTLY the same. It's just a bit crazy. But I am not the same, I am different, and I don't exactly fit anymore.
So, I have an escape plan - that is the good news. It's going to take a least another year to get all my ducks in a row, finish the schooling I need, but the end result should be a ticket to another adventure thru the looking glass.
Having experienced the life I want to live, it's just a bit hard to wait to get back there. I've always, always been impatient - and that has not changed. I suppose I just have to listen to all the great ones who preach patience. Whoo, that's hard though. Ikimasho!!!
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